A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good FSU joke.
"Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the FSU football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at FSU. That guy in the corner was FSU’s all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports at FSU. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"
"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."
One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, "I bet you’re from the University of Georgia." "Why yes I am" answered the other. "How could you tell, was it my good looks, my debonair charm, my taste in clothing?" "No," replied the first, "I saw your class ring as you were picking your nose."
A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, orange sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you an Auburn fan?" "Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess--by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."
A guy is in a bar with his dog, watching the FSU vs. Florida game. The seminoles surprisingly manage to get a field goal and the dog barks repeatedly. The bartender looks at the dog in awe. After a while the seminoles score a touchdown and the dog does flips and dances across the bar. Then, the bartender looks at the guy and says, "Man, that's amazing. What does your dog do when FSU beats Florida?" The guy replied, "I dunno, I've only had him 4 years."
Q: Why do Bama graduates keep their diplomas in the windshield of their pickups?
A: So they can park in handicapped spaces.
Did you hear they had to cancel the cheerleading program at Tennessee this year?
THE CHEERLEADERS KEPT GRAZING ON THE FIELD
Where were O.J. and Al Cowlings heading in the white Bronco?
TUSCALOOSA -- THEY KNEW THE POLICE WOULD NEVER LOOK FOR A HEISMAN TROPHY WINNER THERE!!!!
Q: Why do Tennessee fans wear orange all weekend?
A: Because they can wear it huntin' on Friday, to Neyland Stadium on Saturday, and to pick up trash by the side of the road on Sunday.
A Florida fan and a Tennessee fan were fighting side-by-side in World War II, and both were captured and sentenced to die by firing squad. The Tennessee man was stood up before the firing squad and the guard asked him if he had any last request. He thought for a second, then asked them to play Rocky Top one last time. From the side, the Florida fan shouted out "Then please shoot me first!!"
You're probably an Auburn fan if ...
... You can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.
... Your wife's idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.
... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?"
... You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.
... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.
... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.
... You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2 !!!
... You won't buy a Japanese car because you're afraid you won't understand what they say on the radio.
... Your kids go to a private school and they won't tell you where it is.
... Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin' contests.
An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic. As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We're tryin' to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"
One day in an elementary school in Tallahassee, FL, a teacher asks her class if the Florida State Seminoles are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Florida Gators "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Gator fan, my mom is a Gator fan, I guess that makes me a Gator fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Florida State fan."
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."
The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Florida State win a bowl game this year?"
The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
Q: How do you make Florida State University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.